I’m Must Be Over 18; I’ve Got a Cool Fake ID!

Teens fake licenses and fake IDs to buy grog, to get into nightclubs and to feel mature, sophisticated and pimple free for three minutes prior to ending the evening with their head down one or other toilet.

Sold as NOVELTY ID cards  along with Fake Passports are used by terrorists, Jason Bourne – if that’s his real name, the CIA and assorted creepy types for no good purpose.

But no Fake Passport is better than this:

And I bring you a quote from the Evening Mail, Scotland:

Interviewed after his release by the Austrian Border Police, Mr John Louvet, an investigative journalist, agreed that he had been travelling throughout Europe with a snap of his neighbour’s cocker spaniel ‘Chummy’ as his passport photograph. A police spokesman said ‘It was a very good likeness’.

 

Look at the possibilities:

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘to err is human, to grrr is canine!’

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You Light Up My OMG

This is a parody, my little Sweeties, of  ‘You light up my life’ written by Joe Brooks and it became a hit in 1977 when sung by Debby Boone, daughter of Mr Nice-Guy crooner Pat Boone.

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You light up my loo

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You give me soap

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To carry on

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You light up my toes

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‘n light my nose all night long

  .

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You light up my lashes

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You zap my zits 


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Bulldoze each scar 


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You brighten my butt 


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‘n Hollywood my bra

   .

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You light up my date 


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You gave him hope 


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That he might score


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I thought otherwise 


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And so he hit the floor.

 .

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He wasn’t put off 


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He married me 
 


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You light our sex life 


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You light up our fish 


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We catch loads

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And ev’ry Christmas 


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The power grid explodes.

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Fake Bananas:

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Madam Madusa says ‘With your new night glo brain … every time you think a light shines out your ears. Guess, we’ll still be left in the dark then! ‘

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Crazy Wedding Cake Toppers: You May Kitschthe Bride

What these crazy wedding cake toppers are trying to say?

In the next photo

I’ll balance your balls on my nose.

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With this, ah, ring I thee wed.

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My Heart will go on,

but my liver’s had it.

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Ha! I’ve hooked your Wedding Tackle!

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OMG! Ken, you’re right. You haven’t got one!

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Do you think it’s going to rain, dear?

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Now for the bridal toast:

Open Up the Legos

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘I thought the people I knew were normal until I married one’.

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40. The Mamas and The Papas – Dancing in the streets

Callin’ out around the world–

Are you ready for a brand new beat?

Summer’s here and the time is right

For dancin? in the streets.

They’re dancin? in Chicago,

Down in New Orleans,

Up in New York City.

All we need is music (sweet music),

Sweet music (sweet music).

There’ll be music everywhere (everywhere);

There’ll be swingin’, and swayin’, and records playin’

And dancin’ in the streets.

…………………………………………………………..

Weird Mamas and Papas  Tributes:

We have to assume that The Mamas and the Papas fans are Grandmamas and Grandpapas now. There are not too many crazy fans out there, nevertheless …… 

This is a Mamas and Papas Tatt (See code below)

…………………………………………………

Weird Mamas and Papas  Merch:

Must be love … 

 

Ooooo! A fat doll. Is that allowed?

With any luck she’ll eat Barbie for lunch.

WTF!

What has CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ got to do 

with little toy cars????

And, ah, what DO you call that sort of dream?

…………………………………………………

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘Broke, busted, disgusted, agents can’t be trusted … and, sadly,  46 years later we know,  California Dreamin’ never became a reality. ‘

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39. Elvis Presley – Hound Dog

 

You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog

 

cryin’ all the time.

You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog

cryin’ all the time.

 Well, you ain’t never caught a rabbit

and you ain’t no friend of mine.

………………………………………………………………

Weird Elvis Merch:

It’s one for the money ….. two for the money … three for the money … etc

Take home your very own Zombie Elvis head.

Wouldn’t Zombie Elvis like peanut butter sandwiches

rather than brains?

I just wanna be your bathtub duck!

It is the Elvis M&M Xmas decoration!

This is so wrong in so many ways

it makes the Zombie Elvis head look good. 

…………………………………………………

Weird Elvis Tributes:

Elvis fans are a little weird, right? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Well, you can knock me down
Step in my face …..

Oh, my love, my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch

….. actually, I’ve hungered for your brain!!!

Don’t step on my blue suede ,um, face!

You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog 

… taken a step too far.

……………………………………………………………………………………….…………………………………………………

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘Well, do anything that you want to do, but uh-uh
Honey, lay off of my Elvis’.

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38. Nirvana – Come As You Are

Come

as you are

as you were

as I want you to be

as a friend

as a friend

as an old enemy

take your time

hurry up

the choice is your

don’t be late

take a rest

as a friend

as an old memoria

memoria

memoria

memoria

 

 

and I swear

that I don’t have a gun

no I don’t have a gun

no I don’t have a gun

no I don’t have a gun

 

memoria

memoria

……………………………………………………………………….

Weird Kurt Cobain Tributes:

Skinny Kurt Cappaccino

OK, doll! Where did you sleep last night?

Kurt Cobain My Little Pony Tribute

The first My Little Pony who ‘Hates itself and wants to die‘.

…………………………………………………………

Weird Kurt Cobain Merch:

 Jesus doesn’t want me for a sunbeam, 

He wants me for a Christmas Decoration.

The Man Who Sold the World 

… also does a line in cute Kurt watches.

Sacred Heart of Kurt Candle

Light my candles in a daze ’cause I’ve found god

…………………………………………………

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘Who thought up the Kurt Cobain My Little Pony? No. I don’t have a gun just when I need one’ 

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37. Peter, Paul and Mary – Puff the Magic Dragon

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea

And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,

Little Jackie paper loved that rascal puff,

And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. oh

 

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea

And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,

 

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail

Jackie kept a lookout perched on puffs gigantic tail,

Noble kings and princes would bow whenever they came,

Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name. oh!

 

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea

And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,

 

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys

Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.

One grey night it happened, Jackie paper came no more

And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

………………………………………………………………….

Weird Peter, Paul and Mary tributes:

Puff the Magic Dragon is, allegedly, a song tribute to smoking dope ie. puff, dragon (as in drag on or take a drag) … but the killer line is the name of his sidekick … Little Jackie Paper! More.

Here are some fan tributes of dubious merit.

Piff the magic dragon SMH

Puff’s Power Girls Emma’s Expat Adventures Blog

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Weird Peter, Paul and Mary merch:

 Puff the Magic Dragon gets paranoia by the sea!

 

Light yer own spliff … a stoner’s dream

So kiddies can frolic in the supermarket mist

Fake Bananas: 

Madam Madusa says ‘When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me, come here and take a lesson from Little Jackie paper who loves that rascal puff, and makes things with sealing wax and other crazy stuff. Or have I confused the lyrics?’

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36. Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds – Into My Arms

I don’t believe in an interventionist God

But I know, darling, that you do

But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him

 

Not to intervene when it came to you

Not to touch a hair on your head

To leave you as you are

And if He felt He had to direct you

Then direct you into my arms

………….

Into my arms, O Lord

Into my arms, O Lord

Into my arms, O Lord

Into my arms …

…………………………………………………..

Weird Nick Cave Merch:

Loverman with Love-Tackle. Self-Portrait

No wonder he wants more, more, more.

NIck Cave Push Puppet

But when I crawl into your arms
Everything, it comes tumbling down

………………………………………………………………..

Weird Nick Cave Tributes:

Nick Cave, it seems, has inspired as many caricatures as his fellow gloom meister the Grim Reaper. Here are just a few:

Sorrows pile up around (him)

by Ben Smith

ugly

useless

by Boatright Art

and over inflated.

by Sebastian Kruger

Meanwhile …………………………

Here is Mr Gloom with Gloomy Mini-Me Doll.

Fans, just ain’t no good. I think that’s well understood

………………………………………………….

But wait there is even more gloom in this weird tribute…..

Mr Gloom playing ‘people just ain’t no good’

in Shrek II

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘Mr Cave, you are a mystery to me every time (a new album) comes around.’

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35. The Sex Pistols – God Save the Queen

God save the Queen

the fascist regime,

they made you a moron

a potential H-bomb.

God save the Queen

she ain’t no human being.

There is no future

in England’s dreaming

…………………………………………………..

Weird Sex Pistols Tributes:

Sid Glorous Sid …..

Your brains are locked away but I love your company

Watch out for this one ‘cos ….

I wanna destroy the passerby

‘Cos I wanna be anarchy,

No dogs body

The anti-christ Lego Men 4 Pack

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Weird Sex Pistols  Merch:

Vomit sold separately.

Anarchists play golf now?

Yes, it is the Age of Irony

How sweet is this Sid Vicious doll? 

Yep, more irony

…………………………………………………

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘No matter how loud Sid and the boys did roar once you market anarchy, it ain’t anarchy no more’. 

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34. Elvis Presley – Jailhouse Rock

The warden threw a party in the county jail.

The prison band was there and they began to wail.

The band was jumpin’ and the joint began to swing

You should’ve heard those knocked out jailbirds sing.

Let’s rock, everybody, let’s rock.

Everybody in the whole cell block

was dancin’ to the Jailhouse Rock.

…………………………………………………………………………….

Weird Elvis Tributes:

Love me tortoise, love me do.

Elvis Christmas Tree Topper ….

O Star of Wonder, Star of Might

A pooch, a pooch a burnin’ love!

Weird Elvis Merch:

She’s not You,

And you’re not him even with the dodgy  side burns.

 

Devils in disguise, perhaps?

Mr Potato Head Presely

Love Me Tender, Love me New

Roasted, fried or stewed!

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Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa asks ‘How can they be so cruel to a heart that’s true?’

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