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Archive for the ‘1. Dumb’ Category

Teens fake licenses and fake IDs to buy grog, to get into nightclubs and to feel mature, sophisticated and pimple free for three minutes prior to ending the evening with their head down one or other toilet.


Sold as NOVELTY ID cards  along with Fake Passports are used by terrorists, Jason Bourne – if that’s his real name, the CIA and assorted creepy types for no good purpose.

But no Fake Passport is better than this:

And I bring you a quote from the Evening Mail, Scotland:
Interviewed after his release by the Austrian Border Police, Mr John Louvet, an investigative journalist, agreed that he had been travelling throughout Europe with a snap of his neighbour’s cocker spaniel ‘Chummy’ as his passport photograph. A police spokesman said ‘It was a very good likeness’.
 

Look at the possibilities:

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘to err is human, to grrr is canine!’

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This is a parody, my little Sweeties, of  ‘You light up my life’ written by Joe Brooks and it became a hit in 1977 when sung by Debby Boone, daughter of Mr Nice-Guy crooner Pat Boone.

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You light up my loo

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You give me soap

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To carry on

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You light up my toes

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‘n light my nose all night long

  .

.

You light up my lashes

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You zap my zits 


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Bulldoze each scar 


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You brighten my butt 


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‘n Hollywood my bra

   .

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You light up my date 


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You gave him hope 


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That he might score


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I thought otherwise 


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And so he hit the floor.

 .

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He wasn’t put off 


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He married me 
 


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You light our sex life 


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You light up our fish 


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We catch loads

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And ev’ry Christmas 


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The power grid explodes.

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Fake Bananas:

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Madam Madusa says ‘With your new night glo brain … every time you think a light shines out your ears. Guess, we’ll still be left in the dark then! ‘

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What these crazy wedding cake toppers are trying to say?

In the next photo

I’ll balance your balls on my nose.

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With this, ah, ring I thee wed.

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My Heart will go on,

but my liver’s had it.

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Ha! I’ve hooked your Wedding Tackle!

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OMG! Ken, you’re right. You haven’t got one!

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Do you think it’s going to rain, dear?

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Now for the bridal toast:

Open Up the Legos

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘I thought the people I knew were normal until I married one’.

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38a globe s&p

Callin’ out around the world–

38b guitars&p

Are you ready for a brand new beat?

sunbathers s&p

Summer’s here and the time is right

38d rock 'n roll s&p

For dancin? in the streets.

38e chicago s&p

They’re dancin? in Chicago,

38f New Orleans s&p

Down in New Orleans,

38g NY s&p

Up in New York City.

38h tango 2 s&p

All we need is music (sweet music),

38i tango s&p

Sweet music (sweet music).

young couple s&p

There’ll be music everywhere (everywhere);

mis couple s&p

There’ll be swingin’, and swayin’, and records playin’

Old couple s&p

And dancin’ in the streets.

…………………………………………………………..

Weird Mamas and Papas  Tributes:

We have to assume that The Mamas and the Papas fans are Grandmamas and Grandpapas now. There are not too many crazy fans out there, nevertheless …… 

Mamas and papas tattoo

This is a Mamas and Papas Tatt (See code below)

…………………………………………………

Weird Mamas and Papas  Merch:

dedicated shirt

Must be love … 

 M1 mama cass doll

Ooooo! A fat doll. Is that allowed?

With any luck she’ll eat Barbie for lunch.

M2 HOt wheels

WTF!

What has CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ got to do 

with little toy cars????

Mr.P Dream A Little Dream of me-low

And, ah, what DO you call that sort of dream?

…………………………………………………

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘Broke, busted, disgusted, agents can’t be trusted … and, sadly,  46 years later we know,  California Dreamin’ never became a reality. ‘

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39a duke box  S&P     shopelvis

 

39c hound dog 1

You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog

39e hound dog 5

 

cryin’ all the time.

39d hound dog 2

You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog

dog s&p 2cryin’ all the time.

caught a rabbit

 Well, you ain’t never caught a rabbit

39g dog s&p

and you ain’t no friend of mine.

39h S&P elvis guitar  shoelvis………………………………………………………………

Weird Elvis Merch:

It’s one for the money ….. two for the money … three for the money … etc

zombie Elvis merch

Take home your very own Zombie Elvis head.

Zombie elvis bag

Wouldn’t Zombie Elvis like peanut butter sandwiches

rather than brains?

M1 Elvis DuckI just wanna be your bathtub duck!

M2 M&M Elvis Xmas decoration

It is the Elvis M&M Xmas decoration!

This is so wrong in so many ways

it makes the Zombie Elvis head look good. 

…………………………………………………

Weird Elvis Tributes:

Elvis fans are a little weird, right? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

T2 Elvis sandsculpture 1

Well, you can knock me down
Step in my face …..

Zombie Elvis tatt

Oh, my love, my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch

….. actually, I’ve hungered for your brain!!!

zombie elvis tatt 2

Don’t step on my blue suede ,um, face!

Elvis dog

You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog 

… taken a step too far.

……………………………………………………………………………………….…………………………………………………

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘Well, do anything that you want to do, but uh-uh
Honey, lay off of my Elvis’.

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Come

40a lawn mower guy s&p

as you are

40b remote tv man s&p

as you were

as I want you to be

40c bbq man s&p

as a friend

as a friend

40d prisoner s&p

as an old enemy

take your time

hurry up

the choice is your

don’t be late

40e resting turn cop s&p

take a rest

40f cop s&p

as a friend

as an old memoria

memoria

memoria

memoria

 

 

and I swear

40g cop s&p

that I don’t have a gun

40h cop sleep s&p

no I don’t have a gun

40i cop s&p

no I don’t have a gun

no I don’t have a gun

 

memoria

memoria

……………………………………………………………………….

Weird Kurt Cobain Tributes:

T1 Kirk Cobain

Skinny Kurt Cappaccino

T2 kurt cobain flickriver

OK, doll! Where did you sleep last night?

T3 kurt_cobai my little pony

Kurt Cobain My Little Pony Tribute

The first My Little Pony who ‘Hates itself and wants to die‘.

…………………………………………………………

Weird Kurt Cobain Merch:

 M3 Kirt cobain christmasJesus doesn’t want me for a sunbeam, 

He wants me for a Christmas Decoration.

M2 nirvana watch

The Man Who Sold the World 

… also does a line in cute Kurt watches.

Kurt candle

Sacred Heart of Kurt Candle

Light my candles in a daze ’cause I’ve found god

…………………………………………………

Fake Bananas:

Madam Madusa says ‘Who thought up the Kurt Cobain My Little Pony? No. I don’t have a gun just when I need one’ 

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37a beach bucket s&p

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea

37b fun land

And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,

37c cute kissing boy & girl s&p

Little Jackie paper loved that rascal puff,

37d cute dragons&p

And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. oh

 

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea

And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,

 

37e boat s7p

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail

37f dragon 2 s&p

Jackie kept a lookout perched on puffs gigantic tail,

37g king s&p

Noble kings and princes would bow whenever they came,

37h pirate ship s&p

Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name. oh!

 

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea

And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,

 

37i puff 4 s&p

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys

37j nerd & cool s&p

Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.

37k biker s&p

One grey night it happened, Jackie paper came no more

37l dragon 3 s&p

And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

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Weird Peter, Paul and Mary tributes:

Puff the Magic Dragon is, allegedly, a song tribute to smoking dope ie. puff, dragon (as in drag on or take a drag) … but the killer line is the name of his sidekick … Little Jackie Paper! More.

Here are some fan tributes of dubious merit.

Piff the magic dragon SMH

Piff the magic dragon SMH

Puff's Power Girls Emma's Expat Adventures Blog

Puff’s Power Girls Emma’s Expat Adventures Blog

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Weird Peter, Paul and Mary merch:

M 1 puff 2

 Puff the Magic Dragon gets paranoia by the sea!

M 2 puff 1

 

Light yer own spliff … a stoner’s dream

M 3 puff rideSo kiddies can frolic in the supermarket mist

Fake Bananas: 

Madam Madusa says When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me, come here and take a lesson from Little Jackie paper who loves that rascal puff, and makes things with sealing wax and other crazy stuff. Or have I confused the lyrics?

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