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Bargain Bin Jesus wants you to ……….

1. be sweet

BB Jesus is the King of the Jubes

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 2. be a gorgeous thing

If you covet your neighour’s ass instead of  your own, don’t go to the gym or try liposuction,

go for the Get Tight with Christ product line.Miracle results guaranteed.

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3. be happy

On the 6th day god made beer and all was fair and right with the world.

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4. get some bling

BB Jesus says it is hard for a rich man to enter the gates of heaven, but a poor man can wander in covered in bling.

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5. light up

Smokers shall not enter the righteous heavenly realm of non-smokers, but they do get to hang around outside Pearly Gates with other smokers for eternity. 

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6. get loud

BB Jesus says forgive them father for they know not what psalms to do.

(And psalms are like so 5 centuries ago.)

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7. get high

BB Jesus sayeth chill, man. Lie down in green pastures and, like, whatever!

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8. get off his cloud

Earn more frequent holy flier points and be closer my God to thee

all at the same time.

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9. make a buck

BB Jesus says don’t sell your soul to the devil, why not lease it?

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10. make a wish

BB Jesus says even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I’d prefer to drive.

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11. scare little kids

Then the creepy balloon guy created some really ugly hats.

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12. speak ENGRISH

When robots take over the world, you will be ruled by eVille.

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Fake Bananas:

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Madam Madussa says ‘He who loveth Bargain Bin Jesus shall enter the Kingdom of a One Star Rated Heaven, twin-share for eternity. ‘

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Acknowledgments: Bargain Bin Jesus sources: 1 walking with jesus jubes holidash, 2 LookinGoodJesus lipbalm   evolvefish, 3 jesus-beer     inquisitr, 4 hip hop bling kayne jesus, 5  jesus zippo lighter  jesusgetsaround, 6 jesus boom box anonymous, 7 JesusPillbox   evolvefish, 8 jesus balloon   freshcoolpics, 9 money    american jesus, 10 PatronSaintParking  stotto   evolvefish, 11 balloon jesus anon, 12 god-jesus-toy-robot incrediblethings.

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