Posts Tagged ‘massage gizmo joke’


Do you worry?


Do you feel stressed?


Are you plain pissed-off with life?

Do we have the solution for you?

What you need is a good old manic massage.

You could try the:


The Head Kenzan: It grates dandruff

and aerates thick heads too.


Electro massager: Good for outdoors.

Girl quickly converts to campfire hotplate.


The Ucrown: The all New Jewish Massager. Thanks mom! Now Hanukkah will Hum.


Neckpro: Kids, dad can’t say no in the Neckpro. Buy one for Father’s Day.


The Airfoot: Sick of the Real Thing. Convert your girlfriend

to an Inflatable Girl today.

Inflatable male anatomy sold separately in three sizes.

Rubber Ducky Dick, Inflatable Tube-Man-Tool and The Hindenburg.


The Back2LIfe Butt Tazer.


Body Back Buddy: Your boyfriend not so big on commitment?

Now you can hook him under the crutch with your BBB

and drag him back into captivity.


Gentle Motion Back Stretcher:

Releases pent up tension for the man with a deck chair fetish.


Nosebuz makes dieting a breeze:

This remote controlled nostril alarm senses food, vibrates a warning

then drags you by the nose into the next room.


The Headspa: Prevent hair loss permanently

by holding your follicles in your scalp

with this easy-to-wear bald-spot-be-gone clamp.


Little Hand Massager: Are you missing a man in your life?

Do you long for those little man-hugs?

Now you can give yourself all the hunk-hunk burnin’ love hugs

you want with your mini-man little hand.

Batteries sold separately but well worth the investment.


The Cell Roller will remove 10 pounds of ugly fat

from your thighs and hide it somewhere else

… maybe near your butt or,

if you really wanna work that roller, under your armpits.



Massage Gloves: The man hand you can have

when your not having a man.


O2 Massager because being Mrs Darth Vader feels sooooo good.


Hula Chair: Because Occ. Health & Safety regulations

require girls to sit in a Hula Safety Chair

to swivel their hula hips.

Hands must grip safety handrail at all times.


The Epiphany: for people who need to be hammered

on the back to think.

The epiphany is when you realise you look like an idiot,

who is fishing for their own kidney.


The Tristar: The all-new massager/interstellar transporter:

Warning: Do not press the ‘Beam me up Scotty’ Button. 

It beams you up Scotty all right … up Scotty’s ahhhhhhhsssssss!!!!’


Now don’t you feel all you worries have gone.

We can all get a good laugh now knowing …

… that massage technology has moved on from the fifties. Almost.



Fake Bananas:



Madam Madussa says ‘Just a little to the left. Lower. I’m a high knead friend.’

Acknowledgements: Weird and wonderful devices from: 4 head Kenzan   gizmodo, 5 Massage device  tootoo, 6 ucrown 2   gizmodo, 7 neckpro traction device   skymall, 8 airfoot massage   gizmodiva, 9 Back to LIfe massger  skymall, 10 Body Back Buddy massager   skymall, 11 gentlemotion back stretcher   skymall, 12 nosebuz    memorable-days, 13 headspa massager  skymall, 14 back massager  inewidea, 15 cellroller  alexpress, 16 massagegloves   gadgethim, 17 O2 mask  mailonline, 18 hawii hula chair  wacktrap, 19 epiphany massager  skymall, 20 Tristar Massage    gizmodo.


Read Full Post »