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Posts Tagged ‘electric massage gloves’

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Do you worry?

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Do you feel stressed?

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Are you plain pissed-off with life?

Do we have the solution for you?

What you need is a good old manic massage.

You could try the:

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The Head Kenzan: It grates dandruff

and aerates thick heads too.

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Electro massager: Good for outdoors.

Girl quickly converts to campfire hotplate.

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The Ucrown: The all New Jewish Massager. Thanks mom! Now Hanukkah will Hum.

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Neckpro: Kids, dad can’t say no in the Neckpro. Buy one for Father’s Day.

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The Airfoot: Sick of the Real Thing. Convert your girlfriend

to an Inflatable Girl today.

Inflatable male anatomy sold separately in three sizes.

Rubber Ducky Dick, Inflatable Tube-Man-Tool and The Hindenburg.

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The Back2LIfe Butt Tazer.

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Body Back Buddy: Your boyfriend not so big on commitment?

Now you can hook him under the crutch with your BBB

and drag him back into captivity.

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Gentle Motion Back Stretcher:

Releases pent up tension for the man with a deck chair fetish.

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Nosebuz makes dieting a breeze:

This remote controlled nostril alarm senses food, vibrates a warning

then drags you by the nose into the next room.

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The Headspa: Prevent hair loss permanently

by holding your follicles in your scalp

with this easy-to-wear bald-spot-be-gone clamp.

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Little Hand Massager: Are you missing a man in your life?

Do you long for those little man-hugs?

Now you can give yourself all the hunk-hunk burnin’ love hugs

you want with your mini-man little hand.

Batteries sold separately but well worth the investment.

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The Cell Roller will remove 10 pounds of ugly fat

from your thighs and hide it somewhere else

… maybe near your butt or,

if you really wanna work that roller, under your armpits.

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Electric

Massage Gloves: The man hand you can have

when your not having a man.

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O2 Massager because being Mrs Darth Vader feels sooooo good.

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Hula Chair: Because Occ. Health & Safety regulations

require girls to sit in a Hula Safety Chair

to swivel their hula hips.

Hands must grip safety handrail at all times.

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The Epiphany: for people who need to be hammered

on the back to think.

The epiphany is when you realise you look like an idiot,

who is fishing for their own kidney.

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The Tristar: The all-new massager/interstellar transporter:

Warning: Do not press the ‘Beam me up Scotty’ Button. 

It beams you up Scotty all right … up Scotty’s ahhhhhhhsssssss!!!!’

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Now don’t you feel all you worries have gone.

We can all get a good laugh now knowing …

… that massage technology has moved on from the fifties. Almost.

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Fake Bananas:

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Madam Madussa says ‘Just a little to the left. Lower. I’m a high knead friend.’

Acknowledgements: Weird and wonderful devices from: 4 head Kenzan   gizmodo, 5 Massage device  tootoo, 6 ucrown 2   gizmodo, 7 neckpro traction device   skymall, 8 airfoot massage   gizmodiva, 9 Back to LIfe massger  skymall, 10 Body Back Buddy massager   skymall, 11 gentlemotion back stretcher   skymall, 12 nosebuz    memorable-days, 13 headspa massager  skymall, 14 back massager  inewidea, 15 cellroller  alexpress, 16 massagegloves   gadgethim, 17 O2 mask  mailonline, 18 hawii hula chair  wacktrap, 19 epiphany massager  skymall, 20 Tristar Massage    gizmodo.

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